Blackmailing the world

blackmail the worldI have talked about being an evil genius before on this blog. From construction of your lair to making a loyal army of minions.

This time, I’m talking about the end-game. Putting your plans into operation and then blackmailing the world to give you unimaginable riches. If they don’t then you have to keep your mettle and press that button & make larger and larger areas of this planet uninhabitable for 1,000s of years. Either that or just sink large parts of continents by playing with the tectonic plates.

Firstly, you have to get the attention of the world. There are a load of islands out there that nobody wants. Take one from Hawaii. Nobody would miss one or two from that chain.

ableHopefully, after vaporising a couple of islands you get the country’s attention. This probably isn’t a good idea if the country is large and powerful. Start threatening the smaller countries. Landlocked ones are even better. They may not be the richest in the world but you can still get a couple of million out of them. Even if it’s to protect the corrupt from being vaporised.

Millions of minionsThis is now the point where you have to be careful about getting the money. Are you going to be good on your word & destroy the country anyway. As an evil genius you’re not that bothered about the major loss of life from your get rick quick scheme. It’s a better way than world domination. This way, it also keeps your minions sweet and not planning on overthrowing you. Give them all a share of the ill-gotten gains.

Small countries, probably in Africa, disappearing should start to make the larger countries worried as there is a lot of precious metal and gems there. Vaporising South Africa would make it hard to get diamonds. That’ll annoy a lot of people who can’t bribe their wife / girlfriend / mistress with that gift “of love“.

As you’re smart enough to set up your planet destroying plan. You should be smart enough to get a plan in place to get the money. Not only that, but to hide it away so the world can’t get their money back. Why not invest it into technology companies or properties in areas that wouldn’t be attacked? I don’t have any idea why you should know that. Somewhere nice, warm and cheap to buy property. Why not buy a hotel. It’ll also keep some of your minions busy doing something different than being used as a live target for weapon testing.

Why not buy just after an attack? Smouldering ruins shouldn’t tax your reserves by much. You’ll be thought of as mad but just tell them that it’s “just a feeling I have”. Remember to be in disguise when you do things like this. Otherwise it’s quite a give-away if you start buying land looking like the evil genius threatening the world on the nearest TV screen!

Now you should have the attention of the world.

The blackmail should be reasonable. Maybe only a couple of billion. Why not ask for trillions instead? The days of blackmailing countries for 30 or 40 million are long gone.

Money flushed down the toilet?Do you ask for precious metal or cold hard cash? Precious metal is a better investment but would be hard to shift onto global markets. Cash on the other hand would be quite easy. Why not set up a Swiss bank account and use that as the gateway to the world of laundering of the money. You’ll have to do that so the money can’t be stolen. Why not go into business with a country that needs the money? This may not be the best idea but it’s just another idea to mull over.

Now, the world will start to send their secret agents to stop your plans. When they do this, don’t monologue to them. That’ll only give them time to figure out how to escape. A bullet in the head or something similar is the easiest way. Large lasers or complex machines are no good. Do it yourself so you don’t hear about the escape. Destroy the body. Throw it into a fire or just use a garden clipper. That way you make sure that the agent isn’t going to come back and spoil your plans at the last second…