Pitchforks and how to avoid them

Pitchforks and torches are two of the things that your average evil genius have to be always careful of. It may just happen out of the blue. That’s unlikely as there should be a pre-cursor.

Pitchforks and torches - the mob's friendThat pre-cursor could be something as simple as stealing young maidens because you need them for your sacrifice. If you need to sacrifice, think again on how you are doing things. Stay away from this tactic. Just put you belief in science not some deity that likes human blood. Virgin or not, it doesn’t matter as it still kills people.

This sort of thing does tend to start the local populous starting to worry and then think. Even the slowest thinker will finally figure it out.

If you need to use blood in your rituals then why not substitute it for sheep or oxen blood? That should still produce the desired effect. It may produce a slightly woolly idol but apart from that it’ll be fine, I think!

Another use for this would be in the raising the dead. Please don’t use this method. Electricity & a thunderstorm is the preferred method.

Pitchfork avoidance as already been covered, briefly, before. That was from the minion point of view. This one is from your, as being the master, point.

One clue that your tenure of the castle is coming to the end is when all of your minions decide to leave overnight. They are the evil genius’ equivalent of rats leaving a sinking ship. They can easily get new employment and they usually get free passage from the castle.

The best way to avoid the mob is not to build near populated areas. This maybe impractical for some. If you want to take over the world for example. For that you will need your own loyal band of followers.

Keeping your head down and not causing a whole generation of the local population to go missing. This may be all your fault or the locals wanting to blame someone for the state of the harvest.

Now would be the time to tell you about how to protect yourself, and your research. Just in case you do get the pitchfork and flaming torch wielding peasants knocking at your door.

Evil lairFirearms are not a great idea as you can’t kill all of your attackers. The ones you don’t will then be just more annoyed then they were at the start. A moat and drawbridge are good but they keep you in in the same way that it keeps the attackers out. If you do go the moat way, then a long secret passage could be an idea so you can escape easily when the attack occurs.

You also have to be careful about your research getting into the attacker’s hands. One way would be store everything on computer and make backups of the data to a computer at a different location. Some sort of “kill switch” is also a recommended idea. This then stops anyone getting at your data but you still have it safe and sound. This switch could also render the rest of your technical devices non-operational. A good EMP pulse should kill everything in your “lair” but it may also destroy any mobile phones that the mob have on them. That’ll then give you even more time to make your escape.

Now you have escaped the pitchforks, you still can’t relax as people know what you look like and there maybe a bounty on your head. If this is the case, then you will have to go to your local “back-street plastic surgeon“. They are a lot easier to find than you think. Just turn to the appendix of your Evil Genius Handbook and you should be able to find one in your budget range.

You now have to consider that you now have nowhere to like and none of the equipment that you had before the mob appeared. You should be able to get loans and, sometimes, grants to get you back up on your evil feet. Most of the loans are not expected to be paid back in cash form. The bank only requires you to sing over the rights to any invention that will help make them money.

In conclusion, it’s a good idea to do the following:

  • Don’t drink the blood of the local population.
  • Don’t steal any children for your experiments.
  • Don’t let any of your research fall into the mob’s hands.
  • Do use animals instead of people.
  • Do keep an eye on your minions and if they leave, do the same.
  • Do have an escape plan and stick to it.