Cartoon Law Amendment A
A sharp object will always propel a character upward.
When poked (usually in the buttocks) with a sharp object (usually a pin), a character will defy gravity by shooting straight up, with great velocity. This may also be helped by a large scream to help the take off.
Cartoon Law Amendment B
Characters who are intended to be “cool” can make previously non-existent objects appear from behind their backs at will. For instance, the Road Runner can materialize signs to express himself without speaking.
Cartoon Law Amendment C
They merely turn characters temporarily black and smokey. Older cartoon characters can also turn into a stereotypical 50s negro
Cartoon Law Amendment D
Gravity is transmitted by slow-moving waves of large wavelengths.
Their operation can be witnessed by observing the behaviour of a canine suspended over a large vertical drop. Its feet will begin to fall first, causing its legs to stretch. As the wave reaches its torso, that part will begin to fall, causing the neck to stretch. As the head begins to fall, tension is released and the canine will resume its regular proportions until such time as it strikes the ground.
Cartoon Law Amendment E
The process is analogous to steady-state theories of the universe which postulated that the tensions involved in maintaining a space would cause the creation of hydrogen from nothing. Dynamite quanta are quite large (stick sized) and unstable (lit). Such quanta are attracted to psychic forces generated by feelings of distress in “cool” characters (see Amendment B, which may be a special case of this law), who are able to use said quanta to their advantage. One may imagine C-spaces where all matter and energy result from primal masses of dynamite exploding. A big bang indeed.
Cartoon Law Amendment F
Any bag, sack, purse, etc. possessed by a character is a tesseract – any number of objects of any size may be placed in it or removed from it with no change in its outer dimensions.
Cartoon Law Amendment G
Characters can spin around and change into any set of clothes appropriate to the situation. This can be seen mainly in Bugs Bunny cartoons where Bugs can magically appear in a dress to help his escape.
Cartoon Law Amendment H
Cartoon Law Amendment I
Movements are accompanied by funny sound effects. Especially eye blinks, which usually are accompanied by xylophone or or other percussive noise type tinkles with each blink.
Vehicle Uncertainty Principle
A vehicle travelling along a straight path which extends to the horizon uninterrupted remains in state of indeterminacy– existing invisibly at all points along the road simultaneously– until its waveform is collapsed by a villain entering the road. This causes the vehicle to coalesce into an observable form at that location, maintaining high velocity. Classical cartoon physics take over at this point.
RDB translation into plain English: As soon as a, normally evil, character steps into the road, the bus appears to run him down. The vehicle is normally also driven by the “good” character